The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Of Having Been An Autism Parent

 

“Embrace” by Maessive https://flic.kr/p/tyvac

 

From the Blog Article by Julie Obradovic,And deep down inside, as condescending and self-righteous and self-assured as you may be about what you think you know and why you know it and why I’m wrong, you know you are the same.  You know that you would never offer up your child to the greater good either if they asked for her, and you know you wouldn’t dare take that chance with another one of your children if you were in my shoes.”

I lived this Momma’s plight before the principles of Heilkunst Medicine reversed my own son’s vaccine damage. I was working on writing a re-introduction to my 1st book, The Path To Cure, yesterday, in celebration of its 10th anniversary in print. As I was writing, I realized that due to trying to solve my son’s issues for 4 solid years, I’d become a hollowed-out creature, a crazed firefighter with a hole in my bucket, waiting for the next explosion.

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Self Portrait by Jane Fox https://flic.kr/p/f3en95

He was constantly ill, we were at the hospital monthly for his in-human screeching, fevers of 105 degrees, coughs and earaches that never seemed to resolve, and chronic constipation so bad, he was put under general anaesthetic to have the impacted stool removed manually from his body. The pervasive guilt that I’d caused his ills and ASD issues drove me to the edges of my own sanity. All I thought about day and night was how to fix this, how to make it right. It is my fault!

When he was just 4 and his issues started to resolve with Heilkunst Medicine, I actually could not cope. I was so skeptical, numb and shut down, I could not recognize, at first, that he was obtaining a real cure, and in such a short time. I felt locked in my own past riddled with shame, walled-off in skepticism and fear.

I realized, again, as I was writing yesterday that I’d suffered a kind of post-traumatic stress disorder due to my son’s illness. At the time, my own Heilkünstler, Patty Smith, said I needed to start my own treatment or Jordan would not continue to advance. I reluctantly took my 1st drop from my “Emotional Support.”  I had no idea that that single dose would change my life forever.

When I took those first remedies … “BOOM” my whole emotional world, past and present, collided in a cataclysm of flailing debris. The pieces were everywhere, my own nails now screeching for purchase on the blackboard of my shame.  I had to learn to let go of not just the guilt, but the rage, fear, grief and resentment. Not easy as a control-freakish, beleaguered woman. My marriage was falling apart and all I dreamed about was a little room at “Shady Acres” where grape jello was on the menu for dessert that day.

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“On the other side.” by EmsiProduction https://flic.kr/p/aRwcNz

As I read the words of this Momma (from her blog above) ensconced in suffering with a vaccine-damaged babe I think about, ‘How to extend the rope of empathy? How to say I know where you are and where you’ve been,’ and, ‘I can help give you a leg up to higher ground.” If someone had said that to me 20 years ago, I would have thought them out of their mind! I know what it was like to try modality after failed modality with a trust so broken, I too thought blissfully of the ultimate in letting go of my earthly angst.

But I chose to stay. I also got to see my beautiful son blossom to be whole, hale and hearty due only to the principles of Heilkunst. When I asked him before his 21st birthday, “Do you have any memory of what you went through as a little guy?”, he quizzically replied, “No.” It would seem circuitous waves of my own healing from the horror we survived remains in my own fading memories as I make up the first “Emotional Support” dropper for a new patient, an autism mom.

 

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