We’re all trying to balance so much! Often times, it’s not just the business, home life and kids to keep organized, and on a schedule, often times we’re having to be responsible for the collective consciousness for the entire household. Consider how often you’re asked, “Ok, so what’s next?”. Or “You should have just asked me to do that and I would have gladly helped you out.”
So many women I serve, and some men too, will cite extreme exhaustion. Not only for the actual tasks they perform at the office or at home, but because they also feel like the CEO of operations. This unexpected job description often surprises us out of nowhere. Who put me in charge anyway? Where was that written? How do I exit this role without the whole damn ship sinking?
How did the job of knowing what’s next fall on me? I’d never asked my husband, “What’s next?” in over a dozen years of marriage. How is it that as a reasonably intelligent woman I always felt my corpus callosum log-jammed every time? Perhaps my lesson was to learn how to engage with my own instincts and activities, leaving intellectual management to other individuals. That, actually would make sense.
In those moments, I definitely know I could use help. The first thing would be to take the task-manager role off my shoulders. When was this bestowed on me? Please supply a two page answer single spaced while I dress this roast of bison and finish prepping the potatoes. Perhaps you’ve lived this too.
While the offer to help is, in itself, an act of generosity, it can annoy the living daylights out of a Mom in a Sepia state. How many CEO’s of multinational companies can think on the spot of the detailed activities to be executed by a worker who barges into his office while he’s on the phone and also in the midst of forecasting the budget for the next annum? You see it, right? It doesn’t happen. At the very least, you make an appointment or see a more junior manager. Perhaps your spouse might ask one of the kids. Ah, not a bad idea, a kid will always tell you precisely what to do to serve them.
I recall feeling totally burnt out in the early stages of my marriage. In fact, I had the feeling that if one more person asked me what they could do, I might run my laser eyes clear through their guts while launching enough swear words at them to burn off their eyebrows. They’d grow back, right?!
I once recall trying to prepare supper while nursing an infant on the breast, with a toddler pulling all the pots and pans out on the floor, stirring a pot of rice pasta with the phone in one ear speaking to the guy rescheduling to come service the dishwasher who I had stayed home all day waiting for. It was a Friday.
At that moment, my husband walks into the kitchen having just arrived home from the office, and wants to know what he can do. The first answer that popped up to the fore is, “no clue” and then, “isn’t it obvious?” or to silently turn back and offer a tear of frustration into the pasta. This gesture alone can create a ton of animosity and then spouses wonder why dinner conversation is a little stunted and the weekly sex is dwindling.
I spent years stuffing my feelings down and taking Sepia regularly until my breast finally swelled with a 1.5 inch tumour. Among this, and other dynamics, I’d say this phenomenon cost us the marriage. It wasn’t until these very same issues started to crop up in my second marriage that I began to “get it”. The whole family plumbed solutions to help relieve me of the burden of doer and decision-maker. At the time, I was running a household, half a business, part of the farm, a kids’ camp (in the summer), writing a book and doing postgraduate research. Brutal, I know!
The summation of this post is that we finally did solve it with some creative problem solving. It took a team effort, but you can read that article here.
When the kids were still at home, we had a couple of systems that worked well as we had two busy practices, both of us were doing postgraduate research and we had a farm to also run. Basic stuff had to get done, but I was unwilling to be the sacrificial lady lamb in the equation. Jeff, also, would not allow this to happen to me, either, so we developed some basic systems.
Every week we had a white board on the fridge and the four of us would divvy up the chores to be done that week, listed for each day. We also had laundry-folding parties where everyone would meet in the living room, the clean laundry spilt out of the baskets onto the floor and then everyone would help sort by pitching undies, shirts, pants etc. at each other until it all got distributed. Great hand-eye coordination and memory work with this one! Each person had their own basket to fold (or gather) their clean clothes into and then put them away in their drawers or closet.
If the kids needed help, they would ask as we buddied up when one child was smaller and more challenged with the task at hand, but they were generally part of the sorting party by the time they were 4 and running the washer and dryer by 12. Sometimes their clean clothes lived in that basket until they got to the bottom, but it had to be kept in their closet. It was their choice as long as it was “put away.”
The other thing that helped a lot is that we had a shared grocery/general shopping list app on our phones divided into categories like “market,” “grocery store” or “hardware store.” If stuff needed to get on the list, like ‘cheese’, the child had to use our phones to load it on there or it wouldn’t get bought. Over time, they both got better at spelling these items … but often either Jeff or I would be standing in the grocery aisle laughing ourselves silly as Jordan got good at writing items like, “monkey balls” or “penis pickles.”
When they were in their teens, they had the same shared list on their own phones and then when they drove, they also did the groceries. Yay! We helped to grow them into these shared roles from the time that they were little. They were also taught how to manage bills, make payments, and budget accordingly. Now, we’re showing them how to invest in ways that yield solid returns.
The idea was/is to make it fun, there was always some joking around, and the burden was never all on my shoulders to be the Queen-pin of our domestic operations. We also divvied up the cooking and everyone took a night or two preparing supper for the family. We ate a lot of the same things and our crock pot got a lot of use. Sundays, we’d get some music on, Adie would often bake (her Scottish shortbreads are to die for), I’d prepare one meal, Jeff another and Jordan would be designated sous chef or dishwasher. The key was that we worked together at all of it … including mucking out the stalls in the barn. It built a sense of teamwork and belonging. A dull knife and a carrot can keep a toddler busy for quite awhile!
In our practice, we see a lot of women chronically in a Sepia state (the careworn mother) or Cancer state of mind (rescuing others to the exclusion of self). It is important to activate the health and well-being of our essential selves so as not to default to this program often wrought by our fore-mothers. Trying to work full-time and/or homeschool and then also deal with all of the responsibilities of hearth and home (or farm) can start out as protracted stress and then become, over time, Sepia or Cancer states qualifying you for more aggressive treatments. Is it time to wake from your resignation?
Here’s the original article, by Lisa Wade, that this blog was inspired by ….
Stress is feeling impotent to execute a plan or desire. It is the ultimate in feeling thwarted against the capacity to discharge an expectation into a state of realization. In health, it feels like, “Ah, I did it! I put the effort in and there it is, a big beautiful bouncing baby project, isn’t she lovely?! I’m so proud! Now I can finally bask in the glory of utter fulfillment!” As a healthy person, I will have perfect trust and faith that my effort will ultimately lead to fulfillment of a desire; it is just a matter of time and it will. I can trust in my healthy will and wisdom to get me to this state of full actualization. Right?!
However, if your history with stress indicates that the arrival point never seems to come to fruition, it’s outside your reach, some insidious force seems to pervade that sabotages the whole damn thing, leaving you feeling like a bloody failure. This cyclical pattern is just playing itself out yet AGAIN!! Guilt, victimization, and self-hatred mounts and you do your very best not to take it out on those you love. It is so hard, though, as the frustration seems to leak from your nostrils and ears. You feel yourself seething with it below decks.
Also, you notice that weird things are starting to occur in your body; you haven’t slept through the night in months, your hair may be falling out in the shower, you’ve been having mild gallbladder attacks or kidney stones , your sex drive is dried up and mostly gone, you’re suffering heartburn, and your craving for sweets is off the charts, you’re peeing like a racehorse way too frequently. What the heck is going on?
You feel the anger and frustration mounting. Perhaps it is a pattern around finances, the full realization of one’s inner value in the external ambient. Perhaps your inner milieu wants that juicy job sailing tourists around the world, but for now you’re stuck as a palliative care nurse (true story, btw). The prevailing feeling being that you trained for that job and you’re resigned to remaining at it until you can magically conjure the readies to make the transition. Perhaps you’re still living out of your parents’ expectations. On paper, though, it feels like you may never garner the gumption or resources to make the leap. For now, your feet are stuck in cement. Argghhhhhh!
Although you have the pictures of sailboats plastered to your walls at home, it still feels like a far-off pipe dream. What about all those affirmations, “I am sailing the world, I feel the ocean breeze on my face, I am cutting the jib!” And then, the reality of waking at winter’s dawn to catch the bus in the dark and cold invades your spirit with the most brutal of realities. You feel raw, sore, and jagged inside. What happened to that wee kid in you that used to race with the wind on your bike, build forts, and dream about becoming a rock star?!
You ask yourself, over and over again, what am I missing? How come everyone else seems to be realizing their dreams, but I can’t seem to get past token actions of having bought the organic sunscreen? Am I not deserving enough? Haven’t I done my time? When is it my turn to fully actualize my essential self and my dreams? Does this sound familiar to you? Are you tired of hearing the tirades of angst in your head?
We’ve got you! We lived this matrix prior as well. We know that stress is the #2 killer (just after allopathic drugs) in North America. We’re going to help you get out of the pain and suffering that has you secretly rocking back and forth, sucking on your thumb in that broom closet or bathroom stall when you think no one’s looking. We see you and we also have the tools to help.
There are 3 jurisdictions of Heilkunst Medicine. The first is Regimen (nutrition, hydration, dormition, recreation, coition). Basically, you must stop messing around! Cut out the refined sugars and carbs, and eat more for your blood type. This is really critical. We have other blogs (3 Streams in Heilkunst) on why this is, so go read those if you need further justification. Start drinking 2.5 – 3 litres of pure spring water per day (ABC’s of Healthy Regimen).
Start exercising for your blood type (Exercise for my Blood Type) and playing at a sport you love. I’m a “B” blood type and I love weekly hikes up into the hills where I live, yoga several times per week, and my meditation practice. Also, start winding down earlier in the evening, reading that self-help book or perhaps a novel about 45-50 minutes before bedtime and lights out. It is really important that you kill the lights and computer stimulation so that your autonomic nervous system can depart gracefully into sleep.
Sex is brilliant! If you’re not thusly conjoint with a resonant beloved partner, sex on your own is pretty delicious too. Love on yourself in the same way, using the same gestures that you would have your supreme lover engage with you. The idea being that you can’t wholly plumb love in your ambient until you’ve nailed down those delicious romantic gestures from inside. Love and romance is fostered from the inside out.
Also, the crazy thing is that while fever invokes a healthy immune function in a child, sex actually is the healthy expression of rage, anger, and stress in an adult. The more you teach your body, through pleasure, how to feel tension, charge, discharge, and then relaxation in its cells and the autonomic nervous system, the more it will recall this same gesture in everyday life. If you’re having trouble, though, executing through intimacy we can help with character analysis and resonant remediation.
The second jurisdiction of Heilkunst Medicine, is medicine proper. It’s peeling back the timeline onion of your stress-riddled adulthood, which no doubt stemmed from how you were raised as a child (Sigmunda would agree). In many cases, it is also anchored in your childhood, the genetic miasms, chthonic fears and ideogenic beliefs. It can take a bit of time, in conjunction with pathic remedies like lycopodium (key rx for impotence), aurum metallicum (working with little reward), sepia (‘if someone asks me for one more thing …’), staphysagria (repeated patterns of victimization), lachesis (guilt, resentment, shame) and ignatia (long term grief and disappointment).
We also employ brilliant flower essences like cherry plum (where your back is seemingly against the proverbial wall), white chestnut (for you cycling through the same old patterns over and over again), larch (for a lack of confidence), etc.
The third jurisdiction is therapeutic education, or Anthroposophical (study of man) Orgonomy (addressing armour/beliefs). This is the area where we help you to stop reinfecting yourself with the old states of mind that no longer serve you. This occurs more in tandem, or after, the diseases are mostly cured and your timeline resolved. Going after your character structure for why you felt you needed to live feeling thwarted and impotent in the first place is part of an illusion of belief. Poverty consciousness (not just about money) is, after all just a state of mind, albeit a powerful one. It can be cured just like the others.
Start, perhaps, by taking a look, at the following resources and see how they impact on you:
Conscious creation plays a very big part in replacing the subconscious program of feeling victimized by stress-filled circumstances. You are ordained with the capacity to self-rescue yourself from the habitual armouring, perpetuating chronic beliefs that you’re not enough. It is not about more doing or effort! It IS about having the health to identify where you’re wrong thinking patterns exist and having a deep desire to change them.
The final frontier of Heilkunst Medicine (or Romantic Science), the complete medical system, is the realm of using your very own God-imbued wisdom to excavate you from your mired beliefs. This is not the illusory or superficial “law of attraction,” although the gesture came from same roots, with medicine and regimen, you can more permanently exact the life that you’ve always wanted for yourself by “BEING” the answer you want to “BE” in the world starting now, right this minute, impressing this new data onto your subconscious and employing it as the change agent on your behalf. Your ambient will buck up to this new expectation, it is the LAW of RESONANCE. The thing is, do you have to strengthen your muscles of FAITH to hold the charge? Are you ready?
Pst, you! Yes, I mean you! Sit down for a sec. Yes, I know you’re too busy to sit. Please sit down anyways, this will only take a couple of minutes of your very valuable time. I don’t want to take something from you, I want to give you something. Something for FREE; it won’t cost you a red cent trimmed in white fur. You know how you secretly feel that everyone just wants another piece of real estate from you and that you’re completely tapped out, done like dinner, cooked, and royally finished and the flippin’ holidays aren’t even here yet? I hear ya, been there and also done that!
Perhaps you’ve started a list as long as both of your arms that extends around your back. Maybe everything you touch seems to turn to hampster droppings, and you have so little time, and you promise yourself that next weekend you’ll get to the baking, buying presents, wrapping, or planning that holiday feast that you’re hosting, again, this year for your not-so-beloved-in-laws. Perhaps you’re in charge of the mashed potatoes and you just can’t figure out how you’re going to get showered, dressed and fully coiffed, while also trying to get your tired, cranky kids beautified and into the car without any premeditated murders occurring. Did I mention that you also forgot that you’re out of butter for those scrumptious whipped potatoes? You had one simple job and now you feel like a Christmas failure.
Every year, you commit to making hard, fast, reliable plans not to end up in this Christmas state of chaos where you’re craving a rubber room to express all those pent-up feelings. Perhaps you promised yourself to cut down on family obligations, attending office parties with a plastic smile on your face, or perhaps you stated emphatically that you would not rely so heavily on alcohol, or other substances, just to see you through this nightmare from Christmas hell again this year. Don’t worry, I’m going to give you some coping strategies in a sec.
But, have I got your number? Is Christmas killing you? Are you ready to truly burn the lists and trust that you’re enough just as you are? Whoops, hang on there a second, perhaps, go back and read that last sentence. Rewind, breathe and slowly, very slowly, yes, while breathing, slowly read … I mean really take in the sentence before the last one … “ARE YOU READY TO TRULY BURN THE LISTS AND TRUST THAT YOU’RE ENOUGH JUST AS YOU ARE?”
Let’s just say for a second that that essence that is you, yes, at your very core is … well … a brand new infant. A sacred little baby Jesus if you will. Think about it, Mary and Joseph sat down with their new little God-imbued bundle of joy and received gifts, food and adoration for their new little man. Some folks had followed a star all through the night just to get a glimpse of the son of God. Let’s say this holographic essence is buried at your core and it is your job to back the superficial Christmas machine off in order to honour it? One job, that’s it! One very wise business coach once said to me, “Ally! The word “NO” is a complete sentence!” I never forgot that one either.
If you really study the reason that we’re all together, then do we really need all the lights, trees, presents, Whoo-ville machinations or can we really grow our heart for ourselves twice as big this year and look after ourselves? I recall a modern dancer friend that I had who had a very thick schedule of rehearsal and performances. I asked her if she, and her boyfriend, would like to come over for Christmas tea and cookies one afternoon during the holidays. She looked at me with her beautiful face and said, “Ally I don’t know. It will depend on how I feel that day. If I’m well rested and can engage out of love in the moment, then I would love to spend time with you guys. As close friends, I’m asking you to have tolerance for my need for spontaneity.”
I’ve never forgotten that moment either. In that moment, she gave me unbridled permission to stand up for myself and be able to do the exact same thing. I began to learn to nourish myself, let go of obligatory traditions, and cut myself a whole ton of slack. Over the years, it has built an inner trust and faith, a self-protective gesture towards myself. It’s like saying, “I gotcha,” in my own ears and who doesn’t need to hear that every few hours through the crazies of the holidays.
Let’s say that you let folks know that you’d love to consider any invitation received on the day of the event to determine whether you’ll be able to attend out of love, or let go of it, also out of self-love. Let’s say on the 24th, you just want to stay home in your jammies (our family’s term for pyjamas) read a book, eat mashed potatoes without the butter. Let’s say protecting that wee infant at your core means that you want to watch old black and white Christmas movies the whole of Christmas Day and postpone that family potluck until the 26th on Boxing Day, instead, when you and the kids are better rested and can truly enjoy yourselves. Perhaps it’s time you started new traditions where family came over in their jammies to your place, let go of the gifts and wrote one really meaningful stanza (you know poetry!) for each member of the family in a poem instead? What gold nuggets of wisdom can your inner wiseman dream up to help you not just stay sane, but fall in love with your newly protected and cherished internal infant?
Let’s be honest and list the 10 things that you’d rather be doing and rather than lying through your teeth, hating your spouse and their family that this year, you give yourself permission to go solo or even perhaps stay at home? A sore bulging disk in your back is actually really hard for others to verify. White lies can blanket your Christmas with self-protection until you grow the courage to be more forthright with regards to your needs. Let your partner know that you’re afraid to break with tradition, but that you’d like to give it a try this year so that you have more preserved for yourself and for greater intimacy with them and your children when they get back home.
So perhaps open a doorway of space and time for yourself and receive the true gift of Christmas. Here are 10 healthy, fulfilling things you can engage with over the holidays out of self-love instead of attending that obligatory traditional event that makes you feel stressed and frazzled like last year’s tangled Christmas lights.
Stay in bed, have a pyjama day with just yourself, your partner and/or your kids. Only get up to put the kettle on again for another cup of tea.
Take a long, hot bath by candle-light with your favourite music playing.
Write a poem about how you’re fanning the embers of your essential self and what the true meaning of Christmas is for you.
Put on some Christmas Music and sing and dance with complete abandon like no one can hear you.
Watch “A Christmas Carol, Miracle on 34th Street, The Bishop’s Wife, It’s A Wonderful Life and How The Grinch Stole Christmas” all in one day in your jammies.
Sleep all day, only get up to give food to the dog and your kids and make sure everyone pees and hamster poops in the appropriate place and then go back to bed.
Read Christmas classics in bed to yourself or your kids.
Learn the art of meditation … Ohm!
Mindfully forgive yourself and everyone you’ve been secretly harbouring grudges towards all year long … replace that new, open vacuous space in your heart with gratitude.
Spend the whole afternoon making love with your beloved … or yourself for that matter!
Do none of the above following only what moves you in the moment while creating more space for you to simply breath.
Merry Christmas to you all … and to all a blessed good night!
P.S. Be sure to sip on your Emotional Support Dropper and Organ Support Droppers as needed over the holidays. Also, the homeopathic remedy, Sepia, is invaluable for the care-worn individual who’s just about had it with all the doing. Make sure you have that one and also our Anxiety and/or Exhaustion Combos. as thee will enable you to let go on the physical, emotional and spiritual levels and will replace those multiple glasses of wine.
The general feeling of the phenotype Sepia is of being totally fed up. More specifically, it is a state of feeling drained by the endless obligations of daily life, whether from family, work, or a combination of the two. It is quintessentially portrayed as a “mother’s remedy”, however it may be applicable in any situation where someone feels they are being drained by constant demands. The core defense of Sepia is to push people away through various means, including irritability or sarcasm. They have lost the feeling of having a natural motivation, and may appear to be indifferent, or even depressed.
This phenotype is one of the most classic images of “stasis”, in the sense of the dynamic interplay of internal forces which animate us having been neutralized by countervailing forces of their daily situation or environment. The classic “mothering” situation, which I mentioned above, is one which typically creates a constant stream of demands, leaving zero time left for the mother to do anything for herself, or focus on her own needs. The structure of the modern family appears to have moved away from the old mode of “it takes a village to raise a child”, where there is usually one single primary care-taker for the child (typically the mother) while the father works throughout the day. Even the not so distant past had more of an extended family structure around the child, where 3 or even 4 generations would live together in a house or duplex, spreading out the child-rearing duties.
The remedy Sepia is made from the ink of the cuttlefish, which is squirted out at its predators as its primary mode of defense. This is a vivid image of the cloud of irritability which the Sepia person exudes in an attempt to keep anyone from getting close enough to make a new demand on them.
Sepia feel their best just after vigorous exercise, with dancing being an activity they especially enjoy. This illustrates how Sepia is primarily a state of stasis, which does well from anything which energizes or invigorates them. They are even energized from witnessing a thunder storm, as they welcome this influx of energy to dispel their internal stasis.
Physically, there are a number of symptoms of laxity of the muscles or tissues, which may appear as sagging facial features, or other body parts which aren’t holding their tone. The sex drive is absent, and sex is seen as yet another demand – the expression “putting out” would be the literal feeling from this point of view. Their food cravings emphasize either sweets, or vinegary or sour foods. Many of the physical health complaints related to Sepia involve the hormonal system in general, including menstrual difficulties, PMS, menopause symptoms, infertility, and so on.
This is one of those remedies where the relief the patient often quickly experiences is a great blessing, and something which is celebrated by the patient and practitioner alike. Being able to witness such a dragged down state of mind lifted is truly a sight to behold. Such a heavy feeling of depression or hopelesness may seem like an impossible vortex to escape from, but the well chosen remedy can do wonders for the inner feeling, despite the outer circumstances not being any different than they were before the remedy. Our state of mind makes all the difference in how we experience and interpret our lives, and such turnarounds are great illustrations of how fundamental the state of mind is in creating either our state of health, or our state of disease.