The Myths and Misconceptions of Couples Counselling
Healthy relationships are a function of Love, commitment and a mature consciousness It can be tough to enter into our imaginations to look into the future with regards to the dynamics of the relationship with clear, honest eyes. Most folks know, unequivocally, at the altar whether or not they are making a mistake and due to social pressures, will go through with it anyway while the pulse races and the mind screams in protest. Pre-Marriage Counselling can be the most intelligent and Love-imbued activity you can engage with on behalf of yourself in order to shed a conscious light on the myths and misconceptions of a prospective union with another.
A popular but mistaken belief is that the main factors contributing to a long marriage are luck and love; instead, commitment and companionship actually play a more important role. In fact, one has to be committed to being their own intimate companion first! What this means, simply, is that I can only be as intimately connected to another as I am already committed to myself and my own feelings first. For example, when you are feeling anxious, ask yourself how you are really feeling? Sink down, below the anxiety into the pit of your stomach. What is the feeling? Generally, it is a deep seated and more deeply rooted fear. If you are able to connect to “the feeling” the crux of the anxiety, and name it out loud, watch the shifts that occur in your body as the breath deepens and you relax. If you are able to execute these connections to yourself, first, then you simply can offer this same capacity to connect to yourself to your beloved. It actual fact, I can only connect to another human being to the degree that I am already connected to all aspects of myself; especially my deeper feelings.
Conflict is not unusual or abnormal in a relationship; actually it can be the most illuminating tool to know the self if used constructively. Freud called this phenomenon “transference.” If I am displaying blame, criticism, or a false desire to fix someone else, what I am actually attempting to leverage from my subconscious is my fear, grief, anger, guilt and resentment by projecting onto the other person. If I can train myself to read these projections before they are projected inappropriately onto my beloved, I convert lead into gold! This is the secret behind Paracelus’ Alchemy. Alternatively, if someone chooses to live an unconscious life, they will keep projecting the same content over and over again based on deep seated karmic patterns and harbored diseases that keep one sadly puppeted by their unconscious; or neurotic and psychotic material. Once we learn to hold the charge of a deeper inner consciousness with the realization that I’m about to project it onto someone else, I can illuminate the unconscious into consciousness. Pre-marriage counselling, by an illuminated and trusted mentor can help us to face the content we harbor, poised to projected onto the tableau of an innocent marriage. For example, if I notice I’m jealous, for example, rather than anxiously blaming or accusing my beloved, I can thoughtfully engage in the root cause which is my utter insecurity and fear that I may be abandoned. In fact, in the case of jealousy, it is typically a sub-conscious projection of your little kid-fears that your are not worth being wholly committed to that was illustrated to you in early childhood by Mommy or Daddy. Most of this content has been harbored before the tender age of three.
Principled counselling is only to be used to avoid a negative situation like an imminent divorce; rather than a positive goal of consciously building a healthy, fulfilling relationship. All negative self-perceptions have the capacity to be transmuted into a benefit for yourself and subsequently the relationship. It takes courage to sink into the muck and mire of your deepest fears and hatred. Once down in the content of the demiurge at your core, you realize that as you clear the brambles with your sword of truth, it is just the whining and little kid fears of your early childhood still holding you prey. If you can pick up this side of yourself, the abandoned toddler, and purvey her/him out of the darkness with compassion and love, you will see that the positive goal of consciously building a healthy, fulfilling relationship, actually begins in your own loins! If you can rescue yourself first, you don’t project your insecurities and demands to be rescued by your partner day after day. This is the most liberating, mature and whole way of being in relationship. Can you imagine what our relationships could look like if we are both already rescued and whole; our salvation completely bagged and intact? There would be no end to the love, abundance and creativity we could explore.
Another myth is that “mature” or “smart” couples don’t need outside help to solve any conflicts or issues. Self-intelligence does not necessarily come from having a PHd. or from living a long time. Wisdom or as the Greeks spouted, “Know thyself” is a function of courage, the true capacity to face all your feelings in an honest, forthright, way and allowing your fears to convert into hope, hate into love, jealousy into faith, and grief into compassion and tenderness. The intellect is not “smart” or “mature,” in fact it is a child barely out of diapers, living out of the past or projected into the future. It is a moralizing junky that only knows how to compartmentalize, or analyze, trying to shove every feeling into filing drawers of the mind too small and contracted to fit them. Feelings just don’t fit the intellectual construct and will spew onto the outer landscape, generally projected wrongly onto others. It is a hot-flash of unconscious emotion. When we walk it down into the nether part of our being, face our truer base emotions, they will naturally convert into right thinking, informed and imbued with heat, enthusiasm and orgastic love. This is a more righteous definition for the state of maturity bourn out of a deep self-knowledge. This way of being connected to he self is sexy beyond words! Being the mature, realized, conscious being that you are naturally destroys the myths and misconceptions of the victim, prey-like self.
One misconception with far reaching implications is that having children will bring a couple closer together or patch up existing problems. What fears, anger, grief and resentment we can’t raise into consciousness out of love, actually becomes the prison projected onto the next generation. What we bear from our loins carries the same limitations, or alternatively, the love and hope we’ve consciously become. Our babes are a mirror of our limitations or the triumphs of our celebrated lives. The myths and misconceptions of pre-marriage counselling are that it can’t help. That is true if I’m hell-bent on self-destruction. Sadly, folks poised on remaining unconscious, perilously lost in the darkness, puppeted by unconscious acts that keep them, their partners and their off-spring trapped in karmic and disease patterns will perpetuate out of law; the law of resonance.
Appropriate pre-marriage counselling with a an inspirational mentor trained in the principles of Character Analysis and Orgone Therapies (enabling to access the pre-verbal ages from pre-womb to about 3 or 4 years where most patterning started) can help the individuals seeking coupledom as a function of their personal evolution be the most illuminating journey imaginable. This is not for the faint of heart and few will own the courage to plunge into these depths, however, a mentor who has journeyed the same route before you, fully conscious, trained and illuminated can be a God-send. It is time for us to cure ourselves, our relationships, our marriages and then only foster our children out of this deep abiding knowledge and love. A whole, healthy, sovereign and autonomous self will create the opposite qualities in a partner. Work on yourself first, or in conjunction with your relationship, as individual wholeness will burn off the predisposition for dysfunction and co-dependency.