Selfish Or Self-Care; Where Is The Healthy Boundary?
Therapeutic education is the third jurisdiction of Heilkunst Medicine. When we’re engaged with patients, we can address the underlying cause with the homeopathic principles, however, to help prevent a reinfection of that old state of mind, the precipitating thought-ware and choices wrought often need to change.
Those old patterns are often the hardest to break. I can’t count how many times an individual, especially women, I work with will state, “I can’t do that, that would be considered selfish.” As women, especially, we’re fundamentally conditioned to serve others before we take a moment to serve our own needs.
I’m often surprised when referring to a woman taking a little hammock time to simply rest or allocating 20 – 30 minutes away from their family to journal, meditate, write, read, do some yoga, or take a bath is frowned upon. I’m surprised at how often self-care is interpreted as selfish.
When my cup overfloweth, then I’m in a much better position to serve others without an ounce of reservation. By serving my basic needs first, then I can more easily suspend my goal oriented agenda to be present with my children, husband, friends, and patients.
I think where we’re getting caught up is in distinguishing between the selfishness of a narcissist personality as opposed to simple self-love and care. Let’s take a moment to define both and perhaps it will be more telling for you to first distinguish the difference between the harm caused by a narcissist and the love of a self-carer. Perhaps, then, out of knowledge you can give yourself the permission to provide yourself with overtures of generosity.
Narcissistic Character Type
As per Dr. Patricia Frisch, “Narcissistic Character Types can be quite self-engrossed and self-maximizing. His predominant and consistent focus is on his own needs, concerns and wishes. He is an excellent self-promoter who loves the limelight and vies to be seen as special. He expects his needs to take center stage in his relationship to others. He is often upset if those needs are not mirrored perfectly by his partners, friends, or colleagues.”
Arrogance and Selfishness
The motivation of the selfish narcissist is to seek grandiosity and admiration from others. They engage in activities that are hurtful to others based on their phallic drive to be seen. Often these individuals were emasculated as children and are quite fragile underneath their self-centred exterior. They will quite often exhibit fantasies of their own beauty, success, and brilliance in their work and relationships.
Because this characterological type lacks empathy, their personality disorder believes that they’re special or superior, seeking alliances only with those who can affirm their faulty image of themselves. They will generally stop at nothing that enhances their self-esteem. These individuals can’t tolerate defeat, criticism or any feelings of humiliation which cause them to sublimate their ill state into paranoia, antisocial behaviors, and even psychosis.
Symptoms
As per Psychology Today (‘Narcissistic Personality Disorder’) the symptoms of a narcissistic personality need to qualify for five or more of the following:
- Exaggerates own importance
- Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence or ideal romance
- Believes he or she is special and can only be understood by other special people or institutions
- Requires constant attention and admiration from others
- Has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment
- Takes advantage of others to reach his or her own goals
- Disregards the feelings of others, lacks empathy
- Is often envious of others or believes other people are envious of him or her
- Shows arrogant behaviors and attitudes
It is important to note that 50 – 75% of narcissists are male. Also, when teenagers are indicating traits listed above, they’re not necessarily towing the line to becoming narcissistic. Teenagers are often trying on different characterological types in order to effectively separate from their parents to strike a greater self-love and autonomy.
Causes
Certain inherited criteria have to be met in order for a person to develop bonafide selfish, narcissistic tendencies. These can include all/or some of the predisposition to Medhorrinum Genetic Miasm, Lycopodium Constitution and the Chthonic Fear State Veratrum Album. We’ve included the links to our other blogs on these states for your further research.
Treatment
Thankfully with Heilkunst Medicine and Orgonomy were able to treat the underlying cause. Of these states of mind using the law of nature like cures like. Those formerly narcissistic character types do develop less tendencies to self-aggrandize, developing more empathy, warmth, and generosity.
Healthy Self-Care
Hopefully, you can quickly identify that you’re not in fact a selfish narcissist which then allows you to gain full dominion over your self-care. It takes an abundant nature to fully step into the fabric of your birthright. Longevity of spirit in this human organism takes many regular deposits of love, romance, and plenitude.
If it’s still hard for you, perhaps think of your car’s regular maintenance or what about your savings; if you don’t make regular deposits, you wind up deplete without anything left for your retirement. Here are some ways that you can lovingly bestow more self-care on yourself:
Self-Care Ideas For Your Mind
- Start a gratitude jar for a year – every day write on a piece of paper something you feel thankful for. On New Year’s Day gift yourself the time to read them all.
- Get rid of the stuff on your list that you don’t really want to do – yup, just draw a line through it, or even better rip it up and dispose of it.
- Look at your decision making – decide more life choices through your heart instead of your head. If the thing gives you butterflies or little kid excitement, then go for it … if not reject it!
- Schedule in regular hammock time – set a timer if you have to for 30 minutes of cloud or star gazing.
- Take a different route – perhaps take that gorgeous parkway by the water instead of the freeway to work.
- Juicy mindfulness – take some time to really engage with that piece of fruit you’re about to eat, that bird in the tree, the sunset or even brushing your teeth. Feelings, functions, and sensations are a big aspect to being wholly present to your human experience.
- Playtime – find time to hang with your kids, niece, or nephew. If they’re too busy, find time to skip rope, go to the park with your book, play spontaneously at the park or dance in your living room.
- Fix something that’s been bugging you – take a moment to change that light bulb, fix that loose button, floss your teeth, or oil that squeaky door.
- Do a mini meditation – on the bus or in your favorite chair, even a couple of minutes focused on your breathing, thoughts, feelings, or sensations can reset the most harried of days.
- Happiness infusion – take a bath, make a cup of tea, light a candle or some incense, or simply make a list of the things that make you feel happy.
- De-clutter – bundle up stuff in your midst or in your closet that no longer bring you pleasure and take them to the local consignment store.
- Unplug for an hour – ask your hubby or in-laws to take the kids for an hour so that you can go switch to “airplane” mode. Resist the temptation to look at your Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram accounts. Just be.
- Buck your comfort zone – strike up a conversation with someone you’ve never met on the bus, or try putting on your headphones and listening to meaningful podcast.
- Mute negative folk in your social media feeds – you don’t have to unfriend them, they’ll just stop showing up with their hate speech injecting poison into your day.
Self-Care Ideas For Your Body
- Oxygenate with deep breathing – trying sighing out loud, breathing out from your hair follicles to your toes, let the in-breathe naturally revitalize you by coming back in naturally. Notice how you’re being breathed!
- Get your jiggy on – dance, sing, play, stretch, and have juicy connected sex with your beloved partner or with yourself. Take your time!
- Pace – head outside for a bike ride, walk in nature, or do some interval training depending on your blood type.
- Do a cleanse – find a day to do a day long cleanse using
- greens/chia seeds
- lemon juice, maple syrup, cayenne powder (Master’s Cleanse)
- naturally fermented pickle or sauerkraut juice (no vinegar/sugar)
- Start a Keto/Paleo diet, cutting out all grains and sugars while respecting your blood type diet.
- Skin brush before bed and and when you wake up. Use a natural bristle brush with circular motions.
- Go for Bowen – a soft tissue release protocol, like a massage without bullying the body’s musculature.
- Sun bathe – we know that 20 minutes of sunlight a day is highly beneficial. At first you may have to start in the shade and acclimatize to direct sun. If you’re in a northern climate in the winter, supplement with 2,000 IU’s of vitamin D3 per day
- Consume naturally fermented foods – kombucha, water kefir, naturally fermented sauerkrauts or pickles, like Strub’s or Bubbies, are highly recommended. Dr. Mercola sent his homemade kraut off to the lab to find over 90 trillion probiotics in a tablespoon.
- Introduce essential oils to your regimen – take a mini-course on-line or read one of our many books to familiarize yourself with essential oils and how to use them to improve your physical and mental well-being.
- Introduce flower essences to your regimen – take a mini-course on-line or read one of our many books to familiarize yourself with essential oils and how to use them to improve your physical and mental well-being.
- Take a nap – enough said!
- Laugh yourself silly – watch some crazy cat videos, bloopers, or read some Dilbert or Calvin and Hobbes. Some Netflix offerings with good comedians are fun too. We also enjoy the podcast, No Such Thing As a Fish.
Self-Care For The Soul
- Ask your inner child … – ask the little kid in you what they’d like to do today? Perhaps they’d like to take you off to the library, a new coffee shop, museum, art gallery, or go for a walk by the river.
- Look for beauty – find ten unexpected beautiful things on your way to or home from work.
- Meditate on your feelings – sit for 5 to 10 minutes and focus solely on how you’re feeling in the moment. You can even do this at work in the bathroom stall if necessary.
- Journal – check out Julia Cameron’s ‘Morning Pages’ and sit down with a dedicated notebook. Write for 5 to10 minutes without an ounce of judgment.
- Find the healthy radiators in your midst – find resonant folk to hang out with who radiate love, enthusiasm, and positivity. Eliminate the drains on your mental/emotional economy who suck you down their proverbial toilet with pessimism, negatively robbing you of your energy.
- Love on an animal – hang out with your cat on the couch or ask a friend if you can take their dog for a walk to the park. Petting or stroking an animal can be very beneficial for the soul.
- Get some lovin’ – ask 3 friends to tell you what they love about you.
- Capture your goals – find some time to write down the 25 things that you love to engage with where you lose all track of time. Review them and see if you can fashion a side business out of any of them. Many successful entrepreneurs started this way! Read the book, The Map by Boni Lonsburry for more on this.
- Home spa day – take a day on the weekend, or perhaps call in sick, and enjoy a mental health day. Don your robe, take a long bath with a bath-bomb, give yourself a pedi and or mani, and a facial with all natural products.
- Take a mini-staycation – tell folks that you’ll be away and then plan to be totally spontaneous with yourself the whole weekend.
Self-Care Mini Bites
- Take a moment to connect in with yourself even in the midst of a conversation – watch your inclination to over commit. Set more healthy boundaries around yourself and your time. Give yourself permission to say no or tell a white lie to protect yourself.
- Delight in small pleasures – watch the sunset until it’s done, observe a baby with their loving parent, notice the water on your skin when you wash your hands, cut a wildflower and bring it inside for beside your bed.
- See if your holding your breath – practice more mindful deep breathing
- Grab a nourishing drink – perhaps skip the coffee or tea and get a more energizing probiotic drink like kombucha or water kefir. Think of it like an investment in your microbiome bank!
My hope is that you can see more clearly how it’s not even possible for you to suffer selfish, narcissistic tendencies and that self-care is necessary to promoting more love and life in you. Only human beings who are wholly full of self-nurturance, lacking in perpetual stress, can truly care for others in their midst in a whole fashion, without creating more symptoms or negative side-effects.
As women, and men too, it is important that we invest in our mental/emotional and physical self-care so that our cups can truly overfloweth in the face of everyday stress and challenges. Self-care enables us to remain deeply centred, with a bolstered sense of autonomy, in the face of external tumultuousness exhibited in the media, allopathy (Big Pharma), political arenas, and economics too. When we have a sound investment of self, we can pretty much weather any storm in our midst.
References
https://orgonomictherapy.com/2014/08/22/narcissism/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder
https://www.amazon.ca/Unfolding-Essential-Self-Orgastic-Potency-ebook/dp/B00GBI3CNC
https://tinybuddha.com/blog/45-simple-self-care-practices-for-a-healthy-mind-body-and-soul/