How I Overcame My Victim Consciousness

Someone asked me the other day, “Ally, how do you know what’s going on politically and globally? How is it that you’ve known since the overt tyranny started several years ago?” Well, I’m happy to tell you.

When I was eight, my mother committed suicide in the garage of our home in Ottawa, using carbon monoxide from the car. Eighteen months later, my grief-stricken father married a more aggressive woman who got us ship-shape with spit, boot polish, and a whole belly full of anger and emotional neglect reminiscent of her own survival. I lost all semblance of a mother’s love from that point forward, except by an occasional aunt or my grandmother who lived several provinces away.

Ten years later, my father dropped-dead of a heart attack at the tender age of just forty-three. I was seventeen. My little sister and I received orphans’ benefits as long as we were going to school. I was a broken, well-educated, twenty four year old, looking for love in ALL the wrong places, with an even deeper love of alcohol, bad boys, and drugs. 

Fast forward another ten years and I’m the young mother of a child in the spectrum who’d suffered a profound injury after his MMR shot, insisted on by the doctor.  I also had just detected a golf ball sized tumor in my left breast. I was married to a Jewish man, who was forbidden to marry me if I hadn’t studied judaism for four years and converted.

In a nutshell, you now know why I started my own Heilkunst trauma therapy and then, eventually, became a Heilkunst trauma therapist myself. I know in the soft animus of my survival belly what’s going on globally. I’ve lived this narcissistic pattern of abuse before, first with my stepmother and then with big pharma, who tried to put the blame on me for my son’s years of illness (See the audio book, The Path to Cure, the Whole Art of Healing). 

My whole life (many lifetimes in fact), and twenty-some published books (on Amazon), are dedicated to figuring out the trauma/victim and aggressor dynamic. I know what trauma bonding, narcissism, and gaslighting feels like first hand. It defined my whole childhood.

First, my survival depended on recognizing it. Later, after Heilkunst treatment, I made the choice to never double back to relive this worn out victim state of mind. In that commitment, was the conscious decision to NEVER recreate the state of mind that needs a tyrannical bully (or bullies) to wield unethical power over me EVER again. Even if it costs me my life. I will never go back to being an orphan controlled by government money, false authority, or by those much more damaged than myself.

You see, I value my freedom and my whole state of mind more than anything. I will not succumb to an all too familiar state of fear and perilous victimization. No way, José! I’ve bought back my freedom and liberty more times than I can count on all fingers and toes during this lifetime, and if there is such a thing as evolution, I’m not about to rinse and repeat. 

I know the profound worth of the work I’ve done for myself, my children, and even those that I’ve served over the last twenty-one years. I know how I’m meant to be treated, nurtured, and abundantly cared for without an ounce of compromise. I know my own worth right into my very underpinnings, the fiber of my God-bestowed health, the crux of my being mentally and emotionally whole and human. Can’t touch this is not just a song to me.

So how do I know what’s going on in the world, you ask? How can I not?! It’s only the subject of every book ever written (especially my own), every movie ever made. Man versus their environment will never get old, it seems.  Ask Frodo or little King Arthur! After the gauntlet of fire, the sword pulled from stone, and the precious ring retrieved from golems, you get gifted with something profound. It’s called ‘the silent observer.’ 

You recognize patterns, you hold fast to principles (not gurus, and especially not politicians) and you’re called to retire to a shire, with volumes of experiential knowledge packed away in your belly for the next chapter of your life. You learn to let go of all manner of things not meant for you. Your boundaries are deliciously reliable. They have to be.

Eventually, we all come to the crossroads where we pose the question, “Where are you on your path to self-knowledge in the face of this fabricated tyranny?!’ 

 – Allyson Andrea McQuinn

(following me on Substack for more controversial articles like this, )

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