We’re all trying to balance so much! Often times, it’s not just the business, home life and kids to keep organized, and on a schedule, often times we’re having to be responsible for the collective consciousness for the entire household. Consider how often you’re asked, “Ok, so what’s next?”. Or “You should have just asked me to do that and I would have gladly helped you out.”
So many women I serve, and some men too, will cite extreme exhaustion. Not only for the actual tasks they perform at the office or at home, but because they also feel like the CEO of operations. This unexpected job description often surprises us out of nowhere. Who put me in charge anyway? Where was that written? How do I exit this role without the whole damn ship sinking?
How did the job of knowing what’s next fall on me? I’d never asked my husband, “What’s next?” in over a dozen years of marriage. How is it that as a reasonably intelligent woman I always felt my corpus callosum log-jammed every time? Perhaps my lesson was to learn how to engage with my own instincts and activities, leaving intellectual management to other individuals. That, actually would make sense.
In those moments, I definitely know I could use help. The first thing would be to take the task-manager role off my shoulders. When was this bestowed on me? Please supply a two page answer single spaced while I dress this roast of bison and finish prepping the potatoes. Perhaps you’ve lived this too.
While the offer to help is, in itself, an act of generosity, it can annoy the living daylights out of a Mom in a Sepia state. How many CEO’s of multinational companies can think on the spot of the detailed activities to be executed by a worker who barges into his office while he’s on the phone and also in the midst of forecasting the budget for the next annum? You see it, right? It doesn’t happen. At the very least, you make an appointment or see a more junior manager. Perhaps your spouse might ask one of the kids. Ah, not a bad idea, a kid will always tell you precisely what to do to serve them.
I recall feeling totally burnt out in the early stages of my marriage. In fact, I had the feeling that if one more person asked me what they could do, I might run my laser eyes clear through their guts while launching enough swear words at them to burn off their eyebrows. They’d grow back, right?!
I once recall trying to prepare supper while nursing an infant on the breast, with a toddler pulling all the pots and pans out on the floor, stirring a pot of rice pasta with the phone in one ear speaking to the guy rescheduling to come service the dishwasher who I had stayed home all day waiting for. It was a Friday.
At that moment, my husband walks into the kitchen having just arrived home from the office, and wants to know what he can do. The first answer that popped up to the fore is, “no clue” and then, “isn’t it obvious?” or to silently turn back and offer a tear of frustration into the pasta. This gesture alone can create a ton of animosity and then spouses wonder why dinner conversation is a little stunted and the weekly sex is dwindling.
I spent years stuffing my feelings down and taking Sepia regularly until my breast finally swelled with a 1.5 inch tumour. Among this, and other dynamics, I’d say this phenomenon cost us the marriage. It wasn’t until these very same issues started to crop up in my second marriage that I began to “get it”. The whole family plumbed solutions to help relieve me of the burden of doer and decision-maker. At the time, I was running a household, half a business, part of the farm, a kids’ camp (in the summer), writing a book and doing postgraduate research. Brutal, I know!
The summation of this post is that we finally did solve it with some creative problem solving. It took a team effort, but you can read that article here.
When the kids were still at home, we had a couple of systems that worked well as we had two busy practices, both of us were doing postgraduate research and we had a farm to also run. Basic stuff had to get done, but I was unwilling to be the sacrificial lady lamb in the equation. Jeff, also, would not allow this to happen to me, either, so we developed some basic systems.
Every week we had a white board on the fridge and the four of us would divvy up the chores to be done that week, listed for each day. We also had laundry-folding parties where everyone would meet in the living room, the clean laundry spilt out of the baskets onto the floor and then everyone would help sort by pitching undies, shirts, pants etc. at each other until it all got distributed. Great hand-eye coordination and memory work with this one! Each person had their own basket to fold (or gather) their clean clothes into and then put them away in their drawers or closet.
If the kids needed help, they would ask as we buddied up when one child was smaller and more challenged with the task at hand, but they were generally part of the sorting party by the time they were 4 and running the washer and dryer by 12. Sometimes their clean clothes lived in that basket until they got to the bottom, but it had to be kept in their closet. It was their choice as long as it was “put away.”
The other thing that helped a lot is that we had a shared grocery/general shopping list app on our phones divided into categories like “market,” “grocery store” or “hardware store.” If stuff needed to get on the list, like ‘cheese’, the child had to use our phones to load it on there or it wouldn’t get bought. Over time, they both got better at spelling these items … but often either Jeff or I would be standing in the grocery aisle laughing ourselves silly as Jordan got good at writing items like, “monkey balls” or “penis pickles.”
When they were in their teens, they had the same shared list on their own phones and then when they drove, they also did the groceries. Yay! We helped to grow them into these shared roles from the time that they were little. They were also taught how to manage bills, make payments, and budget accordingly. Now, we’re showing them how to invest in ways that yield solid returns.
The idea was/is to make it fun, there was always some joking around, and the burden was never all on my shoulders to be the Queen-pin of our domestic operations. We also divvied up the cooking and everyone took a night or two preparing supper for the family. We ate a lot of the same things and our crock pot got a lot of use. Sundays, we’d get some music on, Adie would often bake (her Scottish shortbreads are to die for), I’d prepare one meal, Jeff another and Jordan would be designated sous chef or dishwasher. The key was that we worked together at all of it … including mucking out the stalls in the barn. It built a sense of teamwork and belonging. A dull knife and a carrot can keep a toddler busy for quite awhile!
In our practice, we see a lot of women chronically in a Sepia state (the careworn mother) or Cancer state of mind (rescuing others to the exclusion of self). It is important to activate the health and well-being of our essential selves so as not to default to this program often wrought by our fore-mothers. Trying to work full-time and/or homeschool and then also deal with all of the responsibilities of hearth and home (or farm) can start out as protracted stress and then become, over time, Sepia or Cancer states qualifying you for more aggressive treatments. Is it time to wake from your resignation?
Here’s the original article, by Lisa Wade, that this blog was inspired by ….
It’s actually funny if you think about it, in the 50s and 60s we were given the image that so much of our lives would become automated that we’d all be sitting around reading magazines and nibbling on bonbons. Well, this couldn’t be further from the truth.
Given that the patriarchal powers-that-be rigged a bra burning movement, and then a debt-based economy, we’ve now got both men and women stressed to the teeth. I recall also living this way, serving the corporate machine, afraid one day that we’d both miss picking up our son on time from daycare.
It was a five day rat race and then the weekends were dedicated to cleaning a home that we barely lived in during the week, that we were mortgaged to the hilt for for the next 25 years. It was so demoralizing.
I blew my adrenals, suffered chronic fatigue, was in bed for several days every month barely able to cope on so many levels. If you got in the way of my chocolate habit, after the kids were in bed, I can’t say I’d treat you with any remotely ethical grace.
I was exhausted and it’s true that I hated my life. I felt broken physically, mentally, and emotionally by the up hill struggle of trying to slap band-aids on the elephant’s ass that I called my life. I never had the feeling that I could take anytime to do anything well. I didn’t even know what self-care meant!
After trying to solve my son’s autism spectrum issues, I had a complete, well orchestrated, nervous break-down. I quit my ridiculously high paying consulting job and came home to write poetry for several months. My husband just about lost his elephant sized #$%^ over that escapade. I told him that I was between contracts.
I modified the whole kitchen to knock out the carbs., grains, and refined sugars. Anything white and non-organic went into the garbage. I had just started Heilkunst treatment and within those first few months, my inner value began creeping up a couple of nefarious notches.
I started following Dr. Abravanel’s lifetime nutrition plan to help solve my glandular stress and heal my hormonal expressions that turned my Ms. Hyde into the worse Dr. Jekyll before my menses every month. It was quite the over-haul for which I’ve never gone back to my wicked ways. That was over 18 years ago now.
As a result, for this month’s newsletter, we’re going to focus our blog posts on both hormonal and glandular typology. Our hope is that if you’re as stressed out as I once was that it will be the pieces to help you get on the road to recovery.
This afternoon, after writing all morning, I rolled over on my towel at the beach while the Caribbean Sea ebbed its lacy tide at the shore near my feet. I can’t believe that Heilkunst was so instrumental in taking me from what felt like hell on earth to now what feels like heaven. I now feel so very blessed.
Ally and Jeff
(Excerpted from May 2016 Newsletter)
P.S. To find out more about our hormonal and nutrition protocols and much more, click on the link below to receive a copy of our monthly newsletter:
If you’ve located this site on the Internet, it may be to discern if you qualify for panic attacks treatment. You’ve come to the right place. First of all, we would like to extend our warmth and compassion to you as suffering panic attacks can be devastating. This is not an easy place to find yourself in and we are hoping that the description of each of the escalating symptoms below helps alleviate your anxiety and fears by replacing them with knowledge and self-acceptance. We’ve also suffered acute panic attacks symptoms ourselves and in the resolution of our suffering, we offer not just a description of the symptoms but if you follow the links to our other related sites, we’ll also help educate you on principled solutions that may resonant with you. Just know that there are long-term solutions that don’t require a whole host of drugs or protocols that can cause you harm.
The good thing to note is that while profoundly uncomfortable, acute panic attacks are generally just that, “acute;” short-lived and while severe in effect at the time, the longest the effects can last is about 10-20 minutes. While this may be little comfort while in the throes of an acute panic attack, at least it isn’t chronic inflammation of a joint lasting weeks or even months requiring long-term management or surgery. Acute panic attacks can be easily resolvable with principled panic attacks treatment. While panic attacks can have a sudden onset, which is what most folk find so destabilizing, they generally run their course in short order.
Panic attacks can come out of anywhere and are usually the polarity of trying to control the “uncontrollable” in our lives. I suffered several of these bouts myself en route to my in-laws before my marriage to my first husband. His family was orthodox Jewish and I was orphaned with little religious construct and I was being strongly advised to convert over a lengthy three years. I felt, unaccepted for my natural self and inundated with criticism. Over time these fears of being un-loved and accepted for who I was worsened. You may be able to sympathize with the psychic cause of my panic attacks which materialized for me physically as suffocating asthma attacks. I felt that I had little room to breath. I perceived that I was given no choice in the matter. If I chose not to convert, my fiance would be forced to leave me. It was awful.
Most folks, like myself, become filled with dread and worry regarding the onset of the next panic attack. This state of vexation, fear and anxiety can be enough to provoke the fright or flight state of an acute panic attack. In either the absence or presence of physical symptoms, the person can start to feel prey to their psychological stress, uneasiness and dread. Emotional discomfort may start to appear as distress, mild phobias around the next attack or even hypochondria; a deprivation of emotional ease.
Over time, the acute spikes of panic attacks may become anticipatory anxiety which is a multi-system response on the level of your central nervous system that begins to hold the body in a tightly wound sympathetic state. It may feel like you are too tightly wound, perceiving innocuous stimulus like the phone ringing as a perceived threat. This contracted state will loop in fright or flight without the ability to let go spiritually, emotionally or physically into a desired state of relaxation defined as a more parasympathetic state. Eventually the adrenals suffer exhaustion from pumping adrenaline into the system because your mind is telling your body that there is a lion bearing down on it, even though your innocent house-cat may have just hopped onto your bed in the night.
Folks suffering anticipatory anxiety over a period of time may begin to suffer mental or nervous breakdowns as the adrenals throw up major white flags of distress. The individual can feel a constant sense of foreboding as if he is dying, going crazy or that he is destined for a sojourn at “Shady Acres.” This is a frightening state to find yourself in as your behavior will feel inappropriate to relatively benign stimulus, you’ll generally stop trusting your inner intuition and wisdom, suffering depression and avoiding people, work or situations that may provoke anxious feelings. We’ve worked with folk who have sadly become “shut-ins” due to the deleterious effects of long-term panic attacks. Thankfully, they’ve been able to resume normal lives.
Over time, you may notice that the emotional aspects of your suffering show up more and more on the physical level of your being. Feeling faint from a temporary lack of oxygen in the brain due to a temporary constriction in the breathing apparatus, nausea, or numbness can be symptoms qualifying you for panic attacks treatment. Alternatively, some individuals will suffer the opposite symptoms such as heavy breathing or even hyperventilation, which is abnormally fast or deep respiration, which results in the loss of carbon dioxide from the blood, thereby causing a fall in blood pressure, tingling of the extremities, and sometimes fainting.
If your breathing does shift into this mode, if you feel faint, or your vision begins to tunnel to an extremely narrow point of view, it is best to sit down in a chair or on the floor with your head between your knees. If you do faint, it is best not to topple from a standing position, hitting your head on the way down, so try to get down safely to a low position at the earliest onset. On occasion, you may have the urge to strike out or flee which is just your instinct to flight or fright where your bodily resources funnel into your limbs, away from the more noble organs, in an attempt to safely try to eliminate the adversary or run like the dickens to get away from it.
Your body is an amazing system releasing bursts of adrenaline, increasing heart rate, arterial blood pressure, upping blood glucose levels all spawned by your sympathetic nervous system’s response to stress. It is truly amazing when you think about the dynamic nature of the panic attack and what your body has to go through in it’s efforts to protect you. Some folks will also report heart palpitations, tightness in the chest, asthma attacks, and then trembling all over the body as the panic attack ebbs. You may also notice burning sensations with a quick burst of heat, uncontrollable sweating, hot flashes and then cold chills as the body restores normalcy, releasing the flow of adrenaline. The body will temporarily short circuit it’s thermostat in an effort to pump you up for the impending sprint or wrestling match with that perceived lion and then try to restore equilibrium once the threat has disappeared.
The other aspect to effective panic attacks treatment is to restore your capacity to think and feel clearly. Otherwise, in the face of acute panic attacks you can feel impotent of your inner fear and terror to make any decisions emotionally or mentally until you’ve resolved your state. During an acute episode, your thinking may become muddled, confused and your feelings jumbled, like a very undesirable orgasm. The trick is how to use the pleasurable orgasm function to discharge the “little-kid” fears and terrors that provokes your panic attacks in the first place. You may only be noticing symptoms now, but in our experience, the situation has been mounting for longer than your perception of them allows for.
A Heilkunst trained Physician is an experienced therapist trained in emotional release, preventing the symptoms of panic attacks. Also, you’ll be armed with an Emotional Support Dropper, filled with natural homeopathic remedies that have no capacity to harm. Folks tell us that their sequential therapy sessions feel like productive emotional midwifery helping them to birth the negative emotions allowing for the blessed release into healthy reflection, complete relaxation and restorative rest.
sudden onset – In medicine, the first appearance of the signs or symptoms of an illness
fear and anxiety – root meaning of the word anxiety is ‘to vex or trouble’; in either the absence or presence of psychological stress, anxiety can create feelings of fear, worry, uneasiness and dread.
discomfort – an inconvenience, distress, or mild pain, something that disturbs or deprives of ease
anticipatory anxiety – Anxiety is a multisystem response to a perceived threat or danger
a sense of dying, going crazy, or having a nervous breakdown – Mental breakdown (also known as a nervous breakdown) is a non-medical term used to describe an acute, time-limited phase of a specific disorder that presents primarily with features of depression or anxiety.
feeling faint or nauseated – Fainting is loss of consciousness caused by a temporary lack of oxygen to the brain
numbness – Deprived of the power to feel or move normally
heavy breathing or hyperventilation – Abnormally fast or deep respiration, which results in the loss of carbon dioxide from the blood, thereby causing a fall in blood pressure, tingling of the extremities, and sometimes fainting.
tunnel vision – Vision in which the visual field is severely constricted, as from within a tunnel looking out. An extremely narrow point of view
urge to flee or escape – run quickly away ( could not find a better definition )
fight or flight response – A set of physiological changes, such as increases in heart rate, arterial blood pressure, and blood glucose, initiated by the sympathetic nervous system to mobilize body systems in response to stress.
burst of adrenaline – a sudden burst of energy from an increase in the hormone and neurotransmitter adrenaline, esp. increased heart rate and blood pressure, perspiration, blood sugar, and metabolism
trembling – To shake involuntarily, as from excitement or anger; quake.To feel fear or anxiety.To vibrate or quiver
shortness of breath – Shortness of breath, or dyspnea, is a feeling of difficult or labored breathing that is out of proportion to the patient’s level of physical activity. It is a symptom of a variety of different diseases or disorders and may be either acute or chronic.
heart palpitations – Palpitations are heartbeat sensations that feel like your heart is pounding or racing.
chest tightness – This is one of the main symptoms of asthma. Chest tightness is often described as a feeling of ‘congestion’ in the chest or a heaviness. Less commonly it can be felt as chest pain.
hot or cold flashes –The more your anxiety rises the more sweaty and hot you feel. The adrenalin rush is a factor as well. With the increase of anxiety you become pumped up just like you were running in a race. Your heart rate may increase. Your brain is in overdrive, causing the sweating.Cold flashes sometimes appear more after the panic attack. The sudden rushes of anxiety causes the sweatiness, and by calming down you may feel cold, and have chilling feelings overcome you.
burning sensations – Burning sensation is an abnormal feeling of burning in the absence of heat.
sweating – To excrete perspiration through the pores in the skin; perspire.