Most folks don’t know this but if a child is potty trained under duress, it can cause a whole host of mental/emotional issues later on. Holding the breath, contacting muscles, unexplainable fears and terrors later on are some of the negative effects of forced potty training. It is best if you can allow your child to self-initiate this process naturally as much as possible. I knew an awesome caregiver who allowed all the little boys in her care to pee outside or in a big aluminum juice can set in the middle of the kitchen. Most of them would be running around freely, naked from the waist down and they loved the sound their urine stream would make on the sides of the juice can. She would praise them lovingly for a joy that they already owned for their accomplishment.
Kids don’t moralize that “pee or poo” is considered dirty, bad or awful. In fact they don’t have the maturity of the ego to understand why something that was naturally inside their body, part of them, is suddenly deemed yucky just because it is now in a diaper, in the tub or on the floor. The best parents I know don’t shove their limited way of looking at the world onto their babes prematurely. Kids work on the model of “ownership” and success so it is best if you can make this a win-win process for them as it will pay off in the long run.
If you get down on your hands and knees and imagine what it would be like to be a sixth of your present size and what it would be like to fall into the toilet, potentially not being able to get out, you’ll be off to the store to buy a suitable potty. Babes do best if they are permitted to wander and explore at their own pace around their own potty. Allow them to follow both parents into the washroom when you have to go, too. Special books with images of little kids making “poo poo” or “pee pee” in the potty can have a wonderful effect on cultivating the idea in your child. Allow them to choose whether or not the book resonates with them, as this is a safe indication of whether or not they are ready for the idea. If they seem inclined to sit on the potty while reading to themselves or while watching a favorite movie, provide them with praise and loving attentions such as, “What a big boy you are! Good job, buddy!” It is a mighty big decision for a child to separate from their own urine or stool. We rarely understand the magnitude of this decision. A consistent approach between the parents and caregivers is crucial.
If things are not going well and you suspect your caregiver may be forcing the issue, you will notice potty training anxiety such as:
- being scared of the flush of the toilet when you use it.
- Feeling pushed, or having been punished for a previous potty attempt will be illustrated as shame.
- A history of painful bowel movements from constipation.
- holding of breath / tightening of muscles.
I was shocked and upset to see my own son spontaneous stop using the potty after a DPTP (Diptheria, Polio, Tetanus, and Pertussis) shot. He would go behind a large plant in the hall screaming out, “Don’t look at me!” He would clench every muscle in his body, which seemed very counter-productive to the aim, as he attempted to “hold on” to his excrement. Although he was wearing a pull-up and encouraged to “let go” using any means that pleased him, it was the beginning of a nightmare so extreme that he was hospitalized 7 times for constipation, once being put under general anaesthetic to have the impacted stool manually removed. Later my son was labelled as “ADD” and then “Autistic.” Thankfully, we were able to resolve the underlying cause with a systematic approach called Heilkunst medicine. At the time of writing this, he is a thriving 21 year old man without an ounce of residue from this nightmare we lived when he was just a babe.
- Potty training anxiety summary
- general tips about healthy potty training
- follow the timing and rhythm of the child (they usually start showing an interest anywhere between 18 months and 30 years; tends to be on the earlier side for girls); Will also vary with different personality types of children
- allow the child to feel “ownership” about the process – have their own potty (rather than the large scary toilet).
- Special toys or books that are only used when sitting on the potty
- Encourage feeling of pride in accomplishment (“big boy / girl”)
- Potential causes of anxiety about toilet training:
- Scared of the flush of the toilet
- Feeling pushed, or having been punished for a previous potty attempt
- Inconsistency from the parent or caregivers
- If the child has a history of painful bowel movements from constipation
- explore this with an orgonomic lens
- parents who need the child to be “pleasing” and follow expectations of potty training
- holding of breath / tightening of muscles
- nat-m in parents / family ambient
- example of a couple who lost a previous baby, and were still carrying the grief into the next pregnancy
- PTC (The Path to Cure; The Whole Art Of Healing Autism) example of Jordan / DPTP vaccine and then withholding
- General developmental stages of potty training
- learning how to use various muscles to have a bowel movement is a process and takes time, related to overall health of child and successfully moving through each stage of development without other blockages or interferences (emotions, miasms, etc.)
- general tips about healthy potty training